#Asia Watch out China! This VPN service is going to be ‘UGE!

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BestVPN has launched DrumpfVPN that guarantees to make the Internet great again

DrumpfVPN

Dear Internet users,

The Internet has become so complex these days. It is populated with so many players coming in – you have terrible countries like China, Russia, Iran, and Indonesia, and oh, don’t get me started on Singapore, trying to destroy America’s right to surf freely.

And our leader Obama lies straight to our face. ‘Oh, you have nothing to worry about, your privacy is safe’.

I can’t begin to tell you how much we are losing. We have lost billions, oh my god, no, trillions of dollars, fighting off these disgusting cyber-terrorists! These people are killing us, I tell you, we are under siege here, it’s terrible, so terrible! We have to kick the hell out of them.

Believe me, we cannot afford to negotiate, there is no deal to be done here.

We have to be strong, we have to make the Internet great again, we have to arm ourselves with software. Not just your regular cheap programmed-in-China software, because — I’m telling you, I have experts come up and tell me – these Chinese programmes will kill your CPU, hard drive, USB, whatever.

Now I’m no techno-geeko, I don’t know exactly what all those mean, but I’m telling you, it is serious business.

Thankfully, I have a friend here, he’s a good friend of mine, Joe Robinson from bestVPN, he’s created this powerful ‘uge software. It’s called DrumpfVPN, it’s so powerful, oh my god, you will be begging him to sell it to you.

First off, it has a virtual wall to help you keep out those “pesky immigrants” from China and India. No, he’s not racist, we are not racist! We have friends of all skin colours; it’s just, we need to take measures until the authorities figure out what the hell is going on.

Secondly, we all know the Internet has so many useless words. DrumpfVPN limits them to only a few important ones like tremendous, stupid, moron, great and loser. I know because I use them all the time and you should, too!

It also has no encryption at all! I don’t know what that means but Joe tells me it’s something about transparency and not hiding anything, and I agree. What is there to hide? If you are a real citizen and a true patriot, you have nothing to hide.

And now this is one I really like — you can insult anyone you like, say whatever you like and block those idiots who dare to disagree with you. This is important, it is what makes our Internet great, democratic and strong.

Finally, website addresses are all so long-winded and boring. Joe says now all you have to do is type in your name and you can get into any website you want. That’s fantastic!

This service only costs a paltry 10 bucks, so what are you waiting for? Oh by the way, people who use Apple products can’t use this – and if you are an Apple fanboy, you are a moron, an idiot and a phony.

Yours Truly,

Donald Trump, the next President of the United States.

Also, happy April Fools day.

The post Watch out China! This VPN service is going to be ‘UGE! appeared first on e27.

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