Hurry down the chimney tonight! Or send me cash via bank transfer. Whatever works for you, man — uh, Santa.
Hope you’ve been well. I’m writing to make sure you didn’t miss my previous email(s). I know that Christmas is a trying and busy time for you – you must be swamped from all the other requests you’ve been getting from tech entrepreneurs! But nonetheless, my requests are special, because I am truly disrupting the industry.
I’ll have you know that I’ve been good and nice this year, despite all my antics. I’ll come clean here, but this is all off the record. I poached three of the best programmers from a rival company, and copied their app interface.
I misreported our seed round, because hey, mo’ money = great startup, no? I told reporters that I treat my employees like my own brothers and sisters, but forgot to mention that I love every minute of overworking them. That’s family for you!
But let’s not focus on the negative here, shall we?
I mean, it is Christmas. Compared to last Christmas, we have tripled our user numbers, though we are still not breaking even (yet!). I’m getting more and more offers from investors, who are totally doing a #fomo after learning that one of our key competitors just got acquired.
So, this year, I hope that you can bestow the following gifts on me:
1. A Series A round that doesn’t involve us giving away more than 40 per cent of the company.
2. A CTO. No, like an actual CTO. We are a tech company.
3. Regular sleeping hours, please.
4. Proper lunches every day. No more instant ramen.
5. My parents finally understanding the company’s business model. AND them not kicking me out of the house.
6. Potential ideas for pivoting.
7. Reporters who will stop bugging me when I don’t want them to.
8. Someone to fire employees for me.
9. More awards! Preferably ones that I don’t have to pay for.
10. A time travel machine.
Some tech entrepreneur you forgot last year
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from e27 http://ift.tt/1Qzxz6K